Grown Up

Term is starting again back here in this loverly university town, and for some reason it's getting me down.
Ok, you might argue that that's because I have to do work, but I really genuinely love my degree, I love being a designer, I love the pressure, and I love the work (give me 2 weeks and I'll change my tune...) but for some reason I feel totally disconnected to everyone here.

I've been working in the "Real World" for the last 18 months, on an industrial placement, and I have to say, coming back to being a student was really hard. I already miss my workplace, my boss, the fact that I could control my workload, and sort projects out - I have 3 products launched into the market. I enjoyed having a wage, living in a pretty decent house and paying my council tax.

So now I've come back to having to scrape by without an income, other that what I've taken in loans from the bank and government. People look down on me because of the perceived idea that students don't work. There may be many who really don't (don't get me started on Sociology students), but I do, I work 18 hour days and I can remember times where I didn't sleep for 48 hours on the run up to a deadline, sitting in my room totally spaced out on spray paint as I desperately try to get my models and prototypes finished.

And now I'm sat here, about to embark on another round of the design torture, and all I can think about is how I just don't belong here anymore. I look around me at the freshers, and the other students, and I'm not one of them anymore. I hate having to sponge off my parents, I hate having to take loans that I won't repay until I'm 65, or dead, just so I can eat.

Ok so I'm whinging but realistically I came to uni to learn and get on out there, yet I'm so close yet so far to finishing and all I want to do is be a good member of society and pay my own way.

I think that this last year "outside" has made me mature, I've grown up in so many ways, I used to balk at the idea of having to speak to people on the phone, and ok, I still have difficultly, but I've realised that it's not that scary, and now I look at all these young people thinking that binge drinking is cool, and sleeping around is cool, and I just don't want to be part of that anymore.

Quite simply, I think I'm an adult now.